Good Bye Gay

Question: Can you tell us a bit about why you left the gay lifestyle?

I was living what people call “an active gay lifestyle” from approximately 1987 to 1992. Looking back, that is now comprises only a small portion of my life.

During this time I had acquaintances from my office and from the “gay” synagogue. But i had no close friends, and certainly no “life partner”.

Even with the semblance of “community” at the “gay” synagogue, I still felt estranged from some people there, as they were just weird.

Outside of the synagogue, the gay community itself hated religion. When the gay synagogue walked in the pride parade, it was always the penultimate group, just before NAMBLA (a pedophile organization called North American Man/Boy Love Association). I knew I was Jewish and was proud of it, but there was no space for that in the general gay community.

Eventually, I did not see any place for myself in the community. My life was not going anywhere. My job was no longer giving me satisfaction. I had lots of money, but nothing to show for my life.

I also had some experiences which helped me to decide:

  • I remember catering an amazing Kiddush for Shavuos at the gay synagogue, but when I looked around, I saw a room full of weird people, including several men in outrageous dresses, eating this amazing food I had brought. What was I doing here?
  • I contracted hepatitis A in the summer of 1992. I had no idea where I caught it and became “deathly ill” for about 48 hours. I felt that this was G-d telling me, “You were so reckless that you caught hepatitis. You don’t even know who you got it from. Imagine if you caught AIDS instead? You’ll get over hepatitis, but AIDS will kill. You better change your act NOW while you still can!”
  • I bought a new car – my lifelong dream car: An Acura Integra LS. But after a few days, I couldn’t drive it due to hepatitis. And the “dream” part wore out very quickly, so that it was just a car and there was nothing more to my “dream”.
  • I decided to take a break from my job by going to Israel to clear my head for 3 weeks. My boss told me I don’t have to return.

After my stay in Israel and some time back in the USA to reflect on it, I felt that this was one and only opportunity to change my life.

And that is what I did. I moved to Israel and changed my life!

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